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A Song {for Chad}

Found here: nadjaseale.com via selina on Pinterest

I was trying to pull myself together this morning, as the kids were playing downstairs by themselves.  Chad had just left for work, after waiting long enough for me to shower and make sure that I would be okay by myself today.

I noticed that our hall closet by Magdalen's room was slightly open. I paused to close it because little hands (hers) are not safe in a craft closet. As I went to close it, I decided to peek in and see if there was anything lying on top of any shelves that I could use for the kids' Valentines for school tomorrow. 

And the sidetracked girl I am, I noticed a ribbon box sitting on the shelf. Something in me said to look in and see what was in it. I had a funny feeling that I hadn't actually put ribbon in there. : ) 

As I opened the box, the thing lying on top caused me to pause, remember, and smile. 

It was the very first mix tape that Chad had mailed to me when I had just turned 19 years old. I loved that tape. I still love that tape. It is SO Chad when he was 22 years old. 

Back then, I lived in Tennessee, and he was living in Florida, so we set up phone call times (we didn't have cell phones), wrote gobs of letters, and sent awesome packages in the mail back and forth. 

And that is how I came to love him. 

He made me laugh like no one else. We shared countless thoughts, ideas, and stories through the calls, letters, and music we shared. 

During all of that long distance time before we officially started dating, he sent me that mix tape. He introduced me to a lot of music that I would have otherwise never heard. And I won't embarrass him by writing all the details and song choices here, but I will share one song. A song that is so moving and soulful and beautiful, that you truly can't describe it in words. 

Once he moved to Tennessee, we would sit in silence at night and listen to this song. It will always remind me of our first years together. The first few nights after he arrived and we stayed up until almost morning talking in my driveway each night, or the many weekend evenings we spent listening to music in the car together, and our first married years where we would listen to it and other music all night long. 

Go ahead, take a listen. It's a love song. There are no real words, so don't try to figure them out. It's a song about a feeling and I'll explain after the clip.


"The way I sing is not new. 
It's a language invented within music inherently, 
and the words mean more than I can say in English" 

-- Lisa Gerrard

Her husband, Jacek, wrote these words in May 2000

"Lisa Gerrard lyrics – shut your eyes and listen, 
you (we all) have the lyrics to Sanvean and most other LG songs, written on our hearts."

I always wondered if this was truly a love song, or if I just thought of it as one because Chad was the one that gave it to me. I hoped it was. And after digging a little bit today, I found this beautiful explanation...again, by her husband. 

"Sanvean..I remember I was in Australia when Ivo (ex..head of 4AD) called me after going to the Sligo pre-tour concert. Ivo told me about this song that moved him so much…… I told him this is a song written for the children and I…… he said you lucky man…… Few days before that Lisa called from Eire and told me that she is missing us so much and that she has written a song for us (the children and I)… a song that whenever she sings it she is with us……

My self I only heard this song about ½ year later when I got to the Mayfair Theatre in Santa Monica, CA for the filming and recording of Toward The Within video/cd……… needles to say I cried …"

So, after I was up all night last night with the worst stomach virus you can even imagine, and dear Chad taking care of every little thing, I want to listen to this song all day long.

This is the story of love. The every day. And that is what this song is about. The love for her husband, the love for her children. Too many people talk down about Valentine's day, saying it's  just a commercial holiday. I believe it's a time to celebrate that every day love in a more special way. 

Chad was there for me on what was supposed to be our Valentine's evening, bringing me wet washcloths, pouring me more Sprite, making a bed in the bathroom for me including mattress, both sheets, and a blanket because I was so weak. He also showed his love by feeding the kids last night, putting them both to bed, and then letting me sleep in this morning. And to top it all off, he made a small gesture of leaving a tiny snack on my night table last night for when I felt I could stomach something. To quote a different favorite song of mine *wink* "Whatta man, whatta man, whatta mighty good man." ~En Vogue

And there you have it. My Valentine's Day, where my husband showed me his undying love. An old memory resurfaced in the form of a song that embodies my love for him, my children, and this life on Valentine's day and every other day. Who knew it could come full circle like this and include our entire family? I never dreamed of the blessings I would receive in this life. 

Happy Valentine's Day!

{I love you, Chad.}


Heather Carlson said...

I love that, Amanda. Thanks for sharing your memories. Those Carlson boys are keepers =) PS I'm so sorry you are sick. Hope you feel better, and SOON!

Brooke said...

I love that in each of our houses, and in the many houses that stretch between Spokane and Tennessee there are real love songs being played out everyday. Here's to our mighty fine men! - Brooke

Joy Nudd said...

Awww! What a touching post! You are blessed because you give so much yourself. What a great hubby. I hope you feel better friend. Happy Valentine's Day!

Linda Rose said...

So sweet a husband you have. I've got one too that I'm so thankful for. Beautiful song. Thanks for sharing. Hope you get well soon.

kera said...

What a sweet post from your heart....all perfectly fitting for this "heart day"! Loved reading the last of your post while listening to the song....beautiful! Hope you're on the mend!

Kimberly June said...


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