Growing up.

I love this boy with all of my heart. 

And in just one short day, he'll be back in school, walking the halls as a first grader, and to be completely honest? 

I don't like it. 

I know parents are supposed to be happy for their kids as they grow and mature and move on in life, but it is a hard thing for me to do. I don't want to send him back. Not yet. Summer's not over for me and I want him here with me and his sister each day enjoying these beautiful moments with us. 

I always have heard of parents jumping for joy when the song and business of Back to School starts, but I will never be one of them. I can promise that.

Because really...this summer was epic. 

Maybe not in the sense of the word "epic" that most people would think about, but for me it surely was. 

This was the first summer that Magdalen was talking like a big girl.

The first summer that Maddox was reading.

The first summer that both of them could swim by themselves in the pool without me. 

The first summer that they really rode bicycles together.

The first summer that they slept in a bit and woke up excited to play together before coming to us.

The first summer that Maddox fearlessly started mountain biking with Chad. And was a natural!

The second summer of him playing ball.

(Even on the days when he would finally hit the ball after the 25th pitch, he never gave up. He never acted stressed. He just gave it his cheerful, happy all and always wore a smile. While my heart was silently breaking on the sidelines for him. )

I could go on about how amazing it was, but you get the idea. It was a Big Kid Summer.

So, this Maddox....my eldest....my boy.....

He has always had my heart and he always will. 

He truly is a joy to parent and love and watch mature.

He loves his sister with a fierceness and it was a beautiful thing to watch them become best friends again over the summer and truly enjoy so much time just the two of them. They made up so many games and ideas together and I wish I could bottle that up and live in it forever. 

But of course that is unrealistic. And on the other side of the being-sad-coin is the pride and thankfulness I feel in watching him grow. 

He is such a gentleman.

And creative.

And patient.

And persevering.

And an intelligent little guy.

He was my reading buddy all summer and he probably knocked out 25 real chapter books all by himself since Kindergarten ended. I was impressed at what a little bookworm he became in such a short amount of time. 

More proof that he's growing and it's never going to stop.

So......Thursday morning we'll wake up, do the first day of school rush, take the obligatory front porch photo with his baby sister and off we'll go to drop him off for another wonderful year at his school. (Where I force my tears behind my smile, because let's get real....what really kills me is watching him and Magdalen hug and say goodbye to each other. It's torture! )

And I'll embrace the school year once again, like a good mama letting her baby fly.....while secretly wishing for the next summer to hurry, hurry, hurry and get here. ; )